I don’t finish everything I start. In fact, that’s so usual for me. How annoying, I know. I counted the amount of unfinished blog posts currently sitting on my desktop and before I tell you the number, I will just mention quickly that this very post has been sitting, unfinished, on my desktop for a while too, collecting technological dust. Weird.. considering how I talk about finishing what you start in this post. But, better late than never?? Maybe.
Alright, moment of truth. There are currently 29 unfinished blog posts on my desktop and all of them were started after November. My natural tendency to leave things unfinished is uncanny. Seriously, it’s such a habit of mine that shows up in nearly every single area of my life. Like, okay for example I’ll clean up my clothes off my floor and organize my bookshelf, but I won’t make my bed or go WASH my laundry — leaving my room a little less than half clean. Or I’ll read like the first 10 chapters of any good book, become too busy and it sits on my shelf with a bookmark for the next two years. I’ll start an assignment, do about half or less (if it’s for Biology, it’s for sure less) then I won’t pick it up until the period before.
This is embarrassing, honestly. I never thought I would admit to the world my faults and my failures and my weaknesses but here I am. I suck at getting things really done.
Student athletes show me up in nearly every single area of life. The one thing they are so good at it finishing. Even if they don’t get the best grades or they aren’t the best on the court, they still show up and work hard and give it their best. Even if everyone else already won. Even if everyone else already passed in their test, they will complete the test because they’re biggest fear isn’t of how other people see them, it’s of how they will feel when it’s all said and done.
They want the sense of accomplishment. The feeling that comes after they have done their best without the stress of worrying if they could have done it better. They get it done, and then move on. Completely.
Obviously, I cannot relate. I have, however accomplished organizing my ‘blog post’ folder into colour co-ordinated posts based on topics. But that’s not good enough. It doesn’t matter how it looks on my desktop when all those words are just sitting being unread or unused. Maybe they will never be read. Maybe no one will ever bother to read my blog. That’s okay. I still com But I can’t decide that, that’s not where I come in. I have to show up. I have to be there. And until that happens, the pretty blue and purple sections of my un-posted blogs doesn’t matter.
I don’t want to merely just ‘get things done’, either. I want my heart to be invested in the words that I write. I want to be passionate about the words I write. I want to sit down and get them written. The other day I wrote a post in less than an hour that was about 1500 words. Which isn’t super long, but I couldn’t keep the words in my heart. I just needed to write. I re-read the post from start to finish before I edited it, and I didn’t like the way I said the things I said, but my heart behind the words was authentic. I really believed in the words I said and that made all the difference in the world. My heart was in it.
I know I’m not the best writer. I know people who don’t even need to try and their voice is so pretty and real. I’m not like that, by any means. I am simply just visiting in the writers department. But the longer I type, the more I realize the words aren’t really about me at all. I mean, I keep saying the word I. I keep not mentioning Jesus, but He is my motivation. The Bible says that whatever you do, you do unto me. Also, whatever you do not do, you did not do for me. I want my writing to be an area of my life I do for Jesus. I want every area of my life to be for Jesus, but while he gave me this (platform) small corner of the stage, behind the triangle player, I want it to be all for His honour and glory. I’m starting here on the blog, in the hopes and with the prayers it will butterfly-effect into the rest of my heart and life. Join me in this today, whatever you do, do for Jesus. Let this be the beginning of intentionally loving Jesus in and through every area of your life. Post that blog post. Wash your laundry. Read the book. Write that letter. Love your enemies. Intentionally and whole heartedly follow Jesus.
My heart and my prayers go with you, friends.
wholeheartedly // with complete sincerity and commitment.